How to use life coaching to live a great life
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The gram. Love interacting on Instagram!
Personal goal for 2017/2018?
Since 2017 is already almost gone, I share a little about 2018.
One of my personal goals for 2018 is to launch a soul sisterhood rooted in faith. I'm so excited about this! My professional goal for 2017 is to do more motivational speaking & workshops for groups & organizations.
Local Questions: Favorite Local Restaurant or Coffee Shop?
Phenomenal question! I'm a huge Mexican food love so I would say my favorite go to mexican is by far Boca Chica & Burrito Mercado which are both in St.Paul. They are my favorite little hot spots for authentic mexican! As for coffee, I love all the coffee! The One on One bike shop in Minneapolis has the best Americanos I've ever tasted and the barista, Carna is such a sweetheart! And the coffee shop I love with the best atmosphere would be Nina's in St.Paul.
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Have the courage to fail each and every day! This helps you grow, take risks, and realize what you are truly capable of!
Jenna Redfield is the leader of the Twin Cities Collective, the largest resource in the Twin Cities for bloggers, small business, entrepreneurs & creatives.
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I'm your host Jenna Redfield. I am here with my very special guest, Amanda Bell key. So welcome, Amanda. Hi. Thank you for having me. Yeah, it's it's your first podcast.
Amanda Beilke 1:01
It's my second
Jenna Redfield 1:02
which was Sean, were you on before? So I
Amanda Beilke 1:04
was on Andrew coffins. The peaceful power podcast. Okay.
Jenna Redfield 1:08
Yeah, that sounds good. I don't think I've listened that was part
Amanda Beilke 1:10
of 20 Oh, is she?
Jenna Redfield 1:13
Okay, that sounded familiar. I have never listened to it. But I will starting now. That's awesome. Was that like, was that with a phone? Or was that like in person? Or? It was?
Amanda Beilke 1:21
Yeah, it was just I think what did we do? It was something with our computers. So
Jenna Redfield 1:26
yeah, room. Yeah. I found Well, it's funny because the first I think 15 podcasts were over Skype and zoom. Okay. And then I transitioned to my parents house for like, maybe five and then we've transitioned here and then we did another five. So okay, I think this is maybe our fifth or sixth year at Studio co work, but uh, definitely has been improving ever send you the beginning. I think in person definitely helps. Because you can see each other's face and like, you can actually get better sound. So absolutely, yeah. So can you tell us a little bit about what you do and why here.
Amanda Beilke 2:00
Alright, so I'm like, you know, I am a women's life coach. So what I do with that, you know how so many women get really overwhelmed with people pleasing and have a really difficult time saying no. Oh, yes. So as a life coach, I help women remove those dressings and really unleash their power so that they can live a more intentional life. that's full of confidence, joy, and it's all about being the happiest version of yourself.
Jenna Redfield 2:28
Yeah, cuz we met at Tuesday's together. I think we did.
Unknown Speaker 2:31
Yeah, long time ago. A fantastic memory.
Jenna Redfield 2:34
I remember where I met people. I do.
Amanda Beilke 2:37
Me and we have the same birthday. Oh, yeah.
Jenna Redfield 2:40
Well, you were birthday twins. Yeah, you're like one of the only people I know. That's my birthday. It's weird. Like, this is a very, because it's August 11. And probably not the same year. But that's right. But same day, and we're both Leo's let me Yeah. But uh, yeah, so we met then. And then I remember I want to free like college. You do remember that? Yes.
Amanda Beilke 3:01
So that was what I was doing some research when I started coaching. Yeah.
Jenna Redfield 3:06
And that's why I was like, Oh, this feels really good. I remember being on the call and being like, wow, this girl like, it's awesome. Like she asked, I think that was my favorite thing about you ask the right question. How have you developed that? Like, how did you I mean, obviously, we should go back to like how you like decide to be a life coach, like, where you went to school and how you got like certified then like how your process works. So if you want
Amanda Beilke 3:26
to Totally, yeah, I'll tell you.
So what happened was, I grew up in southern Minnesota. And at that time, you know, I had no idea what it was. And I went to school in Wisconsin. When I graduated from there, I ended up moving to the Twin Cities. So I actually moved to Minneapolis and went to work at Target corporate. So I was working there for a few years. And when I was there, I got connected with this wonderful woman that I was in the merchandising department, and she was impact development. And so we had kind of this. And inside target networking group, it was a really small group of women. And she was basically coaching us without us knowing that we were being coached on a monthly basis. And it was this incredible experience that when I had left target, then I had stayed connected with her and learn more about what coaching was. And she had connected with me with my life coach that I had hired and who I still work with years later. And and then through that work with my life coach and then through Jennifer, I got connected with CTI, which is the coaches Training Institute, and I did my training with them. And then I also did some training with New York Times bestselling author and life coach Gabrielle Bernstein. So she has some fantastic books out there and absolutely love her. So I had done that. And then after going through that, that's when I started coaching. So I have to tell you this really fun story, though, too. It was actually two weeks ago, I was in Denver, and I was there for this annual conference called celebration. And it was my first time going there. It was part of this women's connection company that's nationwide that I'm a part of. And it's called polka dot powerhouse, which it's the most uplifting women you will every encouraging powerful, various backgrounds just totally different. So I was going there, I thought I was going to know maybe two people there. And on the first morning, I had this woman come up to me and say my name is like who knows me. And it was Jennifer. And Jennifer is the woman who was coaching at who she has since moved to North Carolina with her family. And I didn't know she was a part of this networking group. I didn't know she was going to be there. And she is the reason I got connected to my style of coaching how I started coaching. I was this very beautiful, synchronous sick moment of everything coming full gone.
Jenna Redfield 6:00
That's awesome. I love those stories. Yeah, I just got chills I yeah, yeah, that totally actually, that happened to me recently to when I applied for the job here at Studio co work. I all of a sudden the guy who? JOHN who's now my boss, he told me he said, Oh, it looks like you know, Tiffany, winter. And I said, Oh, yeah, I did a video with her. like three years ago, when I was first starting out like right after college. I you know, it's like one of my first like, video jobs that I got hired to do is with the city of Excelsior, okay. And Tiffany is like on their marketing team. And she's a consultant. And she was the first coworker here. So she end up coming to my interview. And that was like, she was like, great, because she like vouch for me and was like, I've worked with Jenna before, like three years ago. And it was like a full circle like, Oh, my gosh, this network, as you know, it's just a such a small world, you know?
Amanda Beilke 6:51
Yeah. And it really shows you how those connections pay
Jenna Redfield 6:54
off and why connections are so important. So important. Is that something? So I guess I was going to ask you, how do you your clients? Do you do a lot networking? Like how do people find you?
Amanda Beilke 7:03
Yeah, so a lot of it is word of mouth. And because until you've been through the experience of coaching, you don't fully know what to expect. So I remember there was one of the women that I was one of my first clients. And she thought I was she told me that she's like, I thought you're just going to come in and tell me what to do with my life. And that is the farthest thing from what I do. Like you said, I asked powerful questions. I have different tools and strategies that help you understand what your choices are. But you do the work. You make the choices to change your life, however you want to see that.
Jenna Redfield 7:41
Yeah, that's awesome. Because I think that's probably what I thought it was too, before I like, you know, met coaches and understood the process. And so how did you develop your process?
Amanda Beilke 7:53
Yeah, so that's a great question. A lot of the theories and the processes come through the training that I have. And then a lot of it is also just me doing continuing learning on my own to other coaches and other people that I really admire. And I do a lot of reading. I love Bernie Browns work. Yeah, she's fantastic. Yeah. So between her naturally love Oprah. I don't. NET Can I grow? Yeah, she's great since I was in about third grade. Yeah. And yeah, and then there's people like my Angelo and like I said, Gabrielle Bernstein. Murray. Morley. Oh, yeah. Danielle Laporte, all of those Yeah,
Jenna Redfield 8:32
they're all great. And I, I always, I always find myself like being like, Oh, I wish I was like her. Personally, I don't know that. I don't know why. But I every time I watch Murray folio, I get this huge sense of jealousy. I was like, I wish I was her. You know, like, she just seems like she has her life together. But then, you know, you obviously, like, all these people probably have the same issues and struggles that everyone has. Do you think there's like a lot of people in especially maybe locally that are putting on a front of like, Oh, I'm so successful. And like, I don't know if that's something that you have to like, when people come to you as a life coach, they're like, Oh, I, you know, I'm, like, for me, like, I like to put on a friend that I am, you know, everything's great. And like, and I was like, happy. But obviously, like, I have a lot of anxiety. And it's just like, my life isn't always perfect. But yet,
Amanda Beilke 9:24
our society tries to make it Have you found that's like happening more and more with like, Instagram and stuff people trying to like, make themselves perfect. Absolutely. That vulnerability piece, you hit it? Yeah, people are scared to be vulnerable, because it creates this sense of risk that you might not be accepted for who you are. But a lot of times when you take that risk to be vulnerable about who you truly are, and take down those blocks. That's when you other people say me too.
Jenna Redfield 9:51
Yeah, that was that big hashtag this week. I know we're in October. It's just like, I think people are finally brave, and enough to talk about things that they're ashamed of. And I think that I do think that social media has helped as much as it's hurt. You know, I think that Instagram, especially, I think that there are certain accounts that are very curated, but then I think with Instagram stories, you can kind of share what's really going on. And I think that that has been a really powerful tool, because you can't really, like make that perfect, you know, because it's video, it's, you know, I mean, you could try, you can make it look curated, too. But I think that kind of takes away the point of having a story. You can make your feet look great. But then you also have, you know, so and you do stories, right? Yeah, I think I've seen yours.
Amanda Beilke 10:37
Yeah, absolutely. That's a beautiful point. Yeah, my stories are nothing interesting. Exactly. It's just my life at home, or different things I'm doing, or things are important to me. I think that's another good point is, you know, stories give you that opportunity to be vulnerable. But they also show your audience what's important to you. Whereas you might have a curated feed on Instagram, that was your story. It's just to show people what you're really about.
Jenna Redfield 11:05
Yeah, cuz I think that your main feed is for like the visitors that are just kind of like, Oh, this person looks cool. I'll follow them. But then the stories are for your real followers that are care about you, and really watch you know what you're doing. Well,
Amanda Beilke 11:18
it's like what Seth Godin talks about with the tribe? Oh, yeah. So it's like your tribe or the one? Yeah, look at your stories for
Jenna Redfield 11:24
Yeah, for like, Twin Cities collective, I would say. So we have about what we I think we have 7500 followers, but I there's only I mean, this is still quite a few, we have about three to 400 people that watch every single story. So I mean, I know. So it's like, for me, it's like it's not all 7000 people, but yet, there's a very consistent number of people that really care. And so people have asked me like, how many people in the group? I'm like, Well, I mean, like, there's the people that are kind of passive buyers. And then there's like the more dedicated people that are, you know, big fans, and I just, I feel like I'm talking to them. When I'm doing my stories. I'm like, you're the people that are here every day watching my stories, and you're the ones that I'm talking to, you know? Absolutely, absolutely. So I want to talk a little bit about what are the common problems that people come to you with? Because I feel like mine are probably unique. So I'm like, I just want to like kind of get to the general public of like, what are some things that you guys talked about are, especially with like entrepreneur times? I don't know if that's somewhat most of your clientele are like, nope, nope, just variety of variety. Okay, but maybe for the ones that have their own businesses like what are their biggest struggles? Would you say?
Amanda Beilke 12:31
Okay, so let me ask you this first, Jenna, what would you say are year ago?
Jenna Redfield 12:35
Geez. And then I'll share what I hear. I hold you though a few. Right? Well, it's hard right now, because I just got this new job. I think first of all, time management is become a bigger issue than it used to be. money management, and then probably like sales, I don't know, that's like, to me is an issue that I have personally is like, how, you know, like, how do you I can market myself, but it's like, finding the time to do it all. I think that's another thing is like, I want to be on time, like, like, I love doing YouTube. And I wish I could do it full time. But it's like, I don't even have time to post a video every month. Like I honestly just don't have the time and the I feel like I want to have my my fingers and everything. And honestly, I just don't have enough and have a social life, which is super important to me. And I have put that first this year is like I'm like if it's if it's hanging out by myself, or hanging out with friends will always choose friends. Because I'm like, you're only young once I'm in my 20s. Like I want to like enjoy the time. And so I'm just and then to that I've been kind of putting my business on the back burner, because I'm like, I just want to enjoy this time. So now I'm like, I still want to focus on my business. I just don't have enough time in a day to do it all. So I don't know. That's like a lot of answers. As you can see, I'm kind of like a new life coach, probably.
Amanda Beilke 13:48
That's fantastic. Because that is very common. That is exactly what I said to my life coach when I first started and being coached. But there's so many interested in you want to do all the Yes, yes, this fear of missing out. There is too much of a good thing. Yeah, that's true. You know, because when you think about all these things, you think, oh, but this is good. And that's good. And you want to do and all those are all good. Yeah. And they're all moving you forward. But at the same time, there is too much of a good thing where you'll get nowhere, if you dabble in a little bit of everything. And a lot of times what happens when you experience that sort of want to have your hands in everything. There's a lack of clarity. And so that lack of clarity comes from a lack of understanding what your life purpose is. And so I do a lot of work with women. We start with your life purpose and your values and your desired feelings, which then that's your guideposts for making those decisions. Do I do this? Do I do that? Well, what's your life purpose? What are your core desired feelings? Does that align with that? So you really use that as a tool in how you make your decisions?
Jenna Redfield 14:56
Because I've realized, especially in the past, well, I found out I'm an empath recently. I don't know if you can talk about that ever knowing people.
Amanda Beilke 15:02
And you know what i do know people that are I'm curious. What have you done Strengths Finder?
Jenna Redfield 15:07
Yes. And but there was one of mine. Yeah, that's one of mine, too. Yeah. So it was I took it like seven years ago. So I don't know if it hasn't changed that much. But I found out probably this summer, that was an empath, because my roommate told me and she was like, What as an empath. I've never heard of that. And I looked into it, I had a meltdown. Because I was like, it was like, all of these words were coming at me that was like, This is me. It's almost like when you find out you have like, a like mental disorder or something like people that find out they're bipolar. They're like, Oh, my gosh, this makes so much sense. For me, it was like finding out as an empath was like probably one of the most, like life changing things that's ever happened. Yeah, it helped me, like, understand myself so much more. And if you guys don't understand what an empath is, I can kind of explain it. I really want to get into that on this podcast. But like, basically, I like absorb the emotions of others around me, I'm very empathetic, I kind of am like a servant to others. And I feel like it's hard for me to accept things. But there's just, there's just all these little things that I found, like highly addictive personality, like which I have, you know, like, all these different things that have just everything. I read everything. I'm like, that's me, you know. And so to me, that was a huge, huge, huge thing for me. And now I can kind of vocalize what like I'm feeling. But yeah, so it's just interesting. How I don't even remember was talking about but yeah, so it's just like, all these little things have kind of helped me know, I realize also that I'm a connector. And obviously with this group, that's kind of what I'm doing. Which one says My dream is like connecting people to each other. And like, literally, the best thing is when people tell me they're like, oh, Jen, I met like, all these awesome people through this group and it like, it's like, the biggest high ever for me, because I'm like, Oh my gosh, like, I'm actually like, doing something to help people like find each other. And like, it's almost like, what I'm like a literal like matchmaker of people. Like I actually did set up a couple, like recently, just so funny, like I How did that come about? Um, so they're both in this group. So they'll probably be listening to this. But I actually added a girl to a Facebook group that this other guy ran and then they like, he messaged reached out and messaged all the people in the group. And then she like, responded, and then they started dating, like, soon after, but it was just like, that's like, so to me, like, that was like a life goal. I was like, I want to set up. Yeah, you know. But, uh, so like, that's kind of what twins is collectivism. That's why I started the accountability partners program. And like, I'm trying to do all these things where I'm trying to, like, get people that I know would be good. Like, like friends, like I can see, I'm like, I'm like you two would be good friends, you have a lot of common values, common, you know, all that stuff. So I feel like being a connector is like, one of my life's missions. And I feel like that didn't it took me a while to realize that. And so I guess for me, that would be one of them. I'm trying to think I also just love like, enjoying life. And that's what I've like,
Amanda Beilke 17:53
if you were to let's say you had a billboard on 94. Yeah. And it's, you know, what people see when they're sitting in traffic to and from work. And you could have anything on that Billboard. It was yours. What message would you want to share? Um,
Jenna Redfield 18:09
that's a good. Um, probably to be nice to people. I don't know if that I know, like Elena says like the kind of other Yeah, I honestly think that's a huge one. Because I think that people can be very rude and can be very, what's the word, they can be very cliquey very exclusive. And I feel like one of the things that I always liked was when people included me, and so that's why I've kind of become an included. That's why when I took over, I took over 20 bloggers, and I changed the name to tenancies collective, because I thought it would encompass more people. And not just the bloggers, but also the creatives and the small business owners and people that you know, like you aren't like a photographer, but yet you are part of this world too. And you might have a blog, but you probably wouldn't consider yourself a blogger, you know, that. And that's kind of how I felt I was like, I have a blog, but I'm not really like a blogger. Like people always are like, how's the blog doing? I'm like, I haven't blogged in like, two months, I don't know. Like, they don't really know what I do. And it's just really funny. I'm, like, I blog when I can, and I blog to promote my business. And so but there's a lot of people listening that are probably like, that's just all they do is that's a hobby blog, or they are full time bloggers. I'm just not a writer, so I could never do that. But uh, you know, for me, as you said about the billboard, I would have a video ad, because I love video. And I would have it be like moving and fun. And people would be hopefully not distracted while they're driving. But, you know,
Amanda Beilke 19:35
ya know, I think that's fantastic. So a couple of really great things that you just said were around, you know, the fact that you want people to be nice, but it goes deeper than that. You want them to feeling clear, true. And you want to have that Renee brown talks about in her last book, braving the wilderness about wanting that sense of belonging. Yeah. And you never belong anywhere. But you belong to yourself. Yes. I won't understand that until you have that belonging yourself. And going with that, how you love to connect with people. Yeah. So that sense of inclusion and belonging and connection and all goes hand in hand.
Jenna Redfield 20:11
You're so good. Because Yeah, it's it's funny how the older you get, the more you learn about yourself, then is there is there things that you've learned about yourself while coaching?
Amanda Beilke 20:21
Yes, you know what, so right now I am working with some women in a group coaching program. And it was just last week that I actually had a very similar feeling that I had about myself that was instilled with me when I was really young. And so another thing that you can do to kind of understand, you know, why you are the way you are today? Tony Robbins talks about this when he shares who's loved Did you crave the most growing? And so was it your mom's? Was it your dad's Was it a grandparent someone that was close to you that raised you. And for me, it was always my dad. And I have six older brothers. And so one of seven. And my mom stayed home with us, which was amazing. And my dad was the school principal, he was the athletic director, a teacher. So he was very busy. So naturally, with a big family. I wanted to be seen, I want to be noticed, I want to stand out. I always. So the next question that Tony Robbins always asks is, what did you have to do? Or who did you have to be to gain your father mother's love and acceptance. And so for me, it was always I had to be extraordinary at things or so I thought to stand out. So I had to be different. I had to be an individual. And what I noticed last week is that is so true. And you know, all the people in my life would say similar things where I always have to be different. And notice, like my individualization, which is
Jenna Redfield 22:00
it's my number two strength. Interesting binder. Okay, that's interesting is that, I think it might be a legal thing to
Unknown Speaker 22:06
Yeah, you know,
Jenna Redfield 22:08
only that way too. But I don't think I don't know if that's like one of my biggest strengths and kind of I don't think that's on my top five, but I'm sure it's probably high out there. Because mine is more of like, I like to, like be creative and thinking like brainstorming, give new ideas. So it's kind of similar, where it's like, you are trying to be different. I'm trying to like create something different. Yeah, that makes sense.
Amanda Beilke 22:27
Jenna Redfield 22:29
Yeah. And I find that I looking back on my life and I was always like a storyteller. I played with dolls until I was like, probably too old to play with dolls. Me too. Yeah. You know, cuz I was just like, the reason I was playing with dolls wasn't just to like play with dolls. It was because I was like creating stories in my mind. And they were like the prompts that I used to like, and then I would like literally go to my computer and type up the story that I've made, you know, like, I would write plays. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. But I think that like for me, I realized at a young age, I was a storyteller, I guess. Or maybe not even a teller. But like, I like to think of the stories not maybe, like, tell them but I like to read the story. Because I was terrible at writing. I always have been, I mean, I learned to be okay, just for papers and stuff. But I mean, I have pretty good spelling, but it's more just like, I just don't enjoy sitting at a computer and typing. It's just not something I enjoy my own. What do I say? How do I say this? I hate having to edit and all that stuff. And I'm more of a visual person. And so I've learned that like, I appreciate the people like kale Hollis, who's like, amazing writer. And you know, and it's just like, for me, it's like, I was always a struggle. But I was like, I have all these ideas. And like, I want to like visually show them. And that's why I went to LA and studied film. And like, I was like, I was like, this is like what I want to do. And I still love video because it's just it's a great way to show off a story. And I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know why. And it's I've always had an interest in like video from a young age. Okay. My parents always tell this anecdote of they were at a wedding. And they dropped me off with all the kids, you know, like that. Like, there was like a babysitter or something of like, the 30 kids of the parents that were at the wedding. And they come back, and it's like, 1am, and all the kids are asleep, except for me. And there's a TV and I'm just staring at it. Oh, wow. Like all the kids are asleep, except for me. And I just was like, I was just like, so mesmerized by this TV, whatever was on but I was like that just shows you that. Like it was something I've been obsessed with since I was like a little child. So
Amanda Beilke 24:25
you still find yourself just as excited about it. Okay,
Jenna Redfield 24:29
yeah, I mean, certain parts of it's definitely changed over the years. But I mean, I still watch YouTube every day, every day. Oh, yes, I have. I've watched YouTube every day since YouTube came out. So into this fantastic. It is and I and what I've liked has changed, which is fine. I mean, the and what kind of is popular has changed. And that's good, but it's just for me what I'm interested in. I feel like I would do remain steadfast in that. But I also add new interests and stuff like photography was never something I enjoyed until I high school. I never really took pictures just because I didn't really have a camera and then once I got a camera in my hand I never stopped so I don't know if maybe that was like late and
Amanda Beilke 25:08
what do you enjoy about photography,
Jenna Redfield 25:10
I like capturing the moments and being able to look back on it. And and then also, I don't even know I like to look at if it's beautiful and just I save every photo I've ever taken I in high school I was known as camera girl, because I was just taking photos of everything name. So it's funny because I have so many videos and foot photos of my high school experience. Which is cool. Like looking back. Yeah, like I have videos on my like I had hard drives of like, like, like of my school. Like homecoming, you know, pep rallies and and all of the theater stuff. And like I have it all on camera. It's crazy. Like I couldn't look back. I couldn't make a video showing my high school experience. Like for my children.
Amanda Beilke 25:52
You just wait for your 10 year high school. I know. I know.
Jenna Redfield 25:56
I know, people want to see themselves. Well. It's funny. We didn't have a five year. I don't know if we'll have a 10 year because Yeah, because like the people that run my schools like stuff like our like they just haven't put anything together. They're very like, organized. So like we are our class was so big, though. We had about 750 in my class. And so it was it's very hard to like wrangle everyone. And I felt like I don't know, but I would love to see everyone again. Like I don't I didn't see you in tears.
Amanda Beilke 26:23
So we actually didn't end up having early on here. Yeah, so I didn't end up seeing a room. But I also went to a very small house. Surrounded by cornfield. Yeah, so I graduated 55 students. Yeah,
Jenna Redfield 26:35
yeah. But did
Amanda Beilke 26:38
like it. Do you think Facebook has changed that? Absolutely. I think it's, you know, with your high school reunion the people that you actually want to see a lot of times you've seen Yeah. And then there are people that you're just curious what they're up to. So you look them up on Facebook. Yeah,
Jenna Redfield 26:53
I would actually love to go back to high school reunion because there's a few people that I really have been meaning to get in touch with that I just I'm like, I don't know if I'm afraid to reach out and be like, Oh, it's been like seven year because I graduate in 2010. It's been like seven years since high school. Like, I don't know if we haven't been common, but like I still remember you. And I thought you were great. I don't know what stopped you from reaching out. I don't know. I just maybe I'm just like maybe too much time has passed. Maybe it's we don't have anything in common anymore. What's the worst that would happen? True? Yeah, I guess. Here's the thing about me. Here's another thing that's like a weakness. I'm an avoider. Oh, the max. So if I say well, more like awkwardness, I try to avoid awkwardness. Which is why like I have certain issues reaching out to people because I don't want like our interactions to be awkward. I don't want us to wait when we meet to be awkward. I just avoid. I want to be in control the situation. And if it's I want to be in like a state of mind where that person is also in the right state of mind where we're like, this is this is not good. This is fine. Like. So there's a lot of situations in my life that I try to avoid on a extreme basis. So apparently, that's an impact. I just found that out. So that like Yes, okay. People, we don't like conflict, because then it affects our emotions so much. So that's another thing I learned to because I'm like, I just try it. I just stopped talking to people I don't like I don't just be like, Oh, I don't want to hang out with you anymore. Like and then fight and then leave. It's like I just leave like I don't want to like, do the conflict part.
Amanda Beilke 28:20
Yeah. So back to those people that you don't wander Yeah. To what would happen if you did?
Jenna Redfield 28:26
I don't know. I guess I just, I don't know, I just maybe haven't had time or I don't know, I guess I don't know what's stopping me. I should probably reach out to them. But something that yeah, it's hard enough to keep up with all the friends unless you have a similar thing. You're connected to many people like even us we haven't seen in a while, but it just kind of just like, oh, like I it's nice to see you like I haven't seen you I'm sure I'm gonna see you again in the future. You know, like, I feel like I'm really, I another thing. This is turned into like a session for me. But another thing about me is like, I don't miss people very easily. Oh, like, I can go years without seeing someone and just be like, well, they're not in my permanent mind. So it's like, if they're in the back of my mind, it's all I'll see them again. Like I don't like miss them. Like, it's really hard, because it's like, I have had a few family members that have passed away within the last five years. And it's just like, part of me doesn't miss them because it feels like I'll see them again. Because it just like, Oh, I just haven't seen them in a while. Unless I really think about it, then I get you know, sad, but it's just like, it almost feels like they're on vacation. And I feel that way about everyone that I've ever met. I just feel like I'm like, Oh, I might run into them again. So it's like, I don't really miss them.
Amanda Beilke 29:31
Yeah, it makes sense. No, that totally makes sense. I I mean, I definitely miss people. Yeah.
But one thing that I do think about is, I can't remember where I first heard this, but the world is like our classroom and the people that come into our Yes, our assignments. Hmm. So they each have something to teach us. So, you know, people come in and in our lives for different reasons. And there's always a lesson to learn. And you know, when people leave, and you don't miss them, that means there's not that lesson there for you to learn.
Jenna Redfield 30:02
Yeah, or maybe there's not that connection to begin with. True. I realized that in high school and college like I was friends with these people, because I had to be like, it was like they were the people that were there. And it's like, once you become an adult, you can kind of pick your own friends from the whole world. Like I have a lot of online friends that I've never met that I feel very close to. And it's like these people I've never met before, but I'm like, I've chosen these people from all the people on earth. Because we have the same passions. We have the same, you know, like maybe stage of life. I don't know. It's just interesting.
Amanda Beilke 30:34
Now, I think that's fascinating, too, because I also have a lot of people where they'll ask how do you mean like, this is kind of like my online? Yeah. But it's, I think what that shows us is just how our world craves connection. Yes. And they want to be included, and they want to feel like they belong. And those are all awesome strings that you have.
Jenna Redfield 30:55
I think I posted this in the Facebook group early on, when I took over Twin Cities collective, there's an article from I think a start to be talked about how like people in their 20s and 30s are, it's hard for them to make friends especially as they move into the area. And I remember someone commented, I don't I don't have to go find out who it is. I don't want like shut them out either. But like, they said, like, I've lived here for two years. And I have no friends like that. Like I almost started crying because I was like, Oh my gosh, like that can't like continue. Like we have to like connect you with people. And like honestly, like I've had, there was a summer of my life where I felt like I had no friends. I didn't have a job. I was living at home. It was the worst I think was between my junior and senior year of college. Yeah, I don't think I've ever been so depressed in my life. I just had no one to talk to. I was just alone every single day. And it was the worst feeling in the world. And ever since then, it's been a like, amazing journey. You know, I've like made awesome friends. But like that summer, just it it really put into my head like this is what it feels like to be alone. Like and super lonely. And I it was the worst feeling.
Amanda Beilke 31:59
And that's why years. Yeah.
Jenna Redfield 32:02
Yeah, I think it was probably a good for me because I like understood like always had like friends. But it's like that was the first summer where I was like, none of my friends are home for the summer. Like I like that my school friends, I don't really have that many close ones. It was just kind of it was just very eye opening to me about what it's like to just be alone and all that stuff. And ever since then that's my I put so much effort into networking. And it's like you have to and then like also, maintaining relationships is something I've had issues with, but it's like, I've tried to put more energy into that too. And also getting closer to people. I've always kind of had a guard up around people just because I am afraid of getting hurt. But I feel like once you find those right people that you can trust, I think it's easier to open up.
Amanda Beilke 32:43
Yeah, I love that you had the courage just to share that because you know that so many people right now have felt that same
Jenna Redfield 32:49
Yeah, at a point in there. Oh, for sure. And I still feel it. I had a like about a month ago, I wasn't invited to something with some my friends. And it was like, I started getting like panic attacks. I'm like, is this happening again? Am I losing all my friends? Like, I just was like, and so I just kind of went into overdrive of like, Oh my gosh, I have to like, make sure that these people don't leave me you know, and it's just like a terrifying moment. But it's just like, you know, I feel like I am a little bit stronger now. So I feel like I wasn't, didn't send me the total panic. But uh, it was definitely like a like a wake up call being like, oh, wow, I like need to figure out what am I doing wrong? Or whatever I need to like talk to people and stuff.
Amanda Beilke 33:26
Well, what you said there about now that I'm stronger? Is that more about Now I know what I'm about. I feel like
Jenna Redfield 33:35
I have more stronger sense of self than I did like four years ago.
Amanda Beilke 33:38
Exactly. That's exactly it. And that goes back to, you know, when you want to people, please. And you have a difficult time saying no, a lot of that happens because you don't fully understand who you are underneath all the blocks that you have built up over the years. It's you know, when someone tells you, when you're going to something Oh, just be yourself. You'll be I'm at how many times have you thought about? i? Yeah. So a lot of times, that's the work that we do where I work with women, and you figure out who it is that some ways just be yourself and what's underneath it all? Yeah, I don't
Jenna Redfield 34:17
think I've ever been told Be yourself. Because I feel like if somebody told me that I'd be like, What are you talking about? I don't know. I don't know who I am.
Amanda Beilke 34:26
Well, you're lucky because I feel like I got that all the time growing up?
Jenna Redfield 34:31
Yeah, I definitely. I don't know, I feel like my parents raised me to be very independent, which is nice. And so I think that I think your your background does really affect how like the person grew up to be like you said, your youngest child, I'm oldest child. So Exactly. It's definitely affected that and all that stuff. So just the way you're raised and all that. But I want to go back real quick. We're almost done with our time here on this podcast episode. But I want to talk so this month's topic is self care. So how do you think like, being a life coach kind of fits into self care of yourself? Is that something that that people bring up? Or is that something you talk about ever? It's something that I bring up?
Amanda Beilke 35:11
Yeah, and and the reason I bring it up is because a lot of times, that's the underlying issue that women that I work with, they can't name it, they don't necessarily know what's underneath it all. Yeah, and a lot of it comes down to filling your own cup up first. Because your cup has to be overflowing so you can fully give of yourself to others. Because if you're depleted, you can't give anything, you can't get the best version of yourself to any situation to any friendship to any relationship until you fill yourself up first. And so what that comes down to is all of your self care and self love and what that means to you and different ways you can do that. And so for some people, it could be something as simple as doing a yoga class or doing meditation. For other people, it's finding time to read and just spend time doing the interests and the activities they love. For others, it could be something like, you know, a bubble bath, or using essential oils, things like that. And, and for others, it's just simply not having a schedule for an evening. And just giving yourself that permission to not do all the things.
Jenna Redfield 36:28
I think if I was busy every single night of the week, I would like self combust. But I also do love being busy. And I feel happy when I'm busy. Because I think I'm like maybe distracted from, you know, lonely thoughts or something. And I don't know if that's something that you I don't know, recommend. I don't know if that's like a good thing to just distract yourself all the time. I don't know.
Amanda Beilke 36:50
Personally, I would say no. Because behind the busy, there's always a reason why you just listed off a few different things that might be there. There's always something behind me. So in terms of you know, it's one thing to be intentional about the things you do. And it's another thing just to be on autopilot and be busy doing doing doing. So you definitely want to I would suggest, be intentional about everything that you have in your planner and everything that you do. There's an intention behind it. And that helps you live on purpose. Yeah,
Jenna Redfield 37:24
because I've definitely been going to way too many networking events, you know, like, because I just love them. And I'm like, I can't say no, I have to go into that much of a good thing. Yeah, so I definitely like And recently, I've been scheduling two events on same day, so then I have to leave one early to go the other one and then be linked to that one. That's how this happened to me twice in the next two weeks, I'm going to be like leaving, but I'm like I have to go to both of them. Like I like I've told it's two different groups. And I just have told both. And I want to be able to go to both. And so I just kind of stressed myself out, but
Unknown Speaker 37:53
sometimes I hear how just worked up you guys?
Jenna Redfield 37:56
I don't know. Well, I'll work through it after these two events. Awesome. Well, thank you so much, Amanda, for being here. And how can we find you? And how do we work with you and how we're all the plugs. We're all like Instagram handles and all that.
Amanda Beilke 38:10
Good. Yeah. Okay, so I make it pretty simple. Every social media handle that I'm on it's at Amanda bulky. So I'm just first and last name on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and then my website is just www.wq.com. And you can do complimentary in night, ignite session with me and test out life coaching. Yeah, that's something for you. Because it definitely is a process that's different that maybe you aren't used to and you know, it's hard to explain the first time you do it. But everyone that I talked to you they notice a change.
Jenna Redfield 38:48
That's so true. I've definitely looked into it before and you probably be the person. So awesome. Well, thank you so much for being here. And I hope you guys have enjoyed this basically therapy session for me. Thank you so much. And I hope you guys have an awesome week. Thanks again for listening to the Twin Cities collective podcast conversations with creatives with your host Jenna Redfield. Make sure to head on over to iTunes to subscribe to this podcast so you don't miss a single episode. New episodes come out every Monday. Make sure to also leave us a review let us know how we're doing as well as helping us grow our subscriber count. We also want to let you know that we have a website Twin Cities collective calm where you can learn more about us join our online directory learn more about events as well as join our Facebook community. Shout out again to Allison burns who created all of our artwork as well as our logo, as well as Nicola whitelist for the use of the song in the intro. I also want to say thanks to the studio co work for letting us use the podcast studio that they have on site. Make sure to go to studio co work. com to learn more about how you can start podcasting too. Thanks again for listening and I'll talk to you guys next week.